EFFECTIVE PARENTING
Effective parenting is a broad concept:
- It is how parents connect, interact and relate with their children to support their development.
- It promotes relating to children in ways that provide healthy and happy childhood experiences and help children learn and grow into wholesome adults.
- Effective parenting is more than providing food, clothing, and shelter. It includes ensuring children’s protection, health, education, self-discipline, and confidence as they grow towards independence.
- Effective parents have a committed relationship with their children: they spend quality and quantity time talking with them, teaching them, and enjoying activities together.
- The effective parent makes sure to balance the care of their children with their own self-care, including reaching out for help when needed.
- Effective parents discuss the family’s rules and expectations for positive behaviour with their children, and lead by example.
- Children’s positive behaviour is encouraged and recognised; and they understand that reasonable and age-appropriate consequences will follow when they do not do the desired behaviour.
- Children of effective parents feel free to communicate with their parents about any- and everything. They are assured of their parents’ love and support even when things are difficult.
Most parents love their children and want what is best for them. Effective parents are conscious of their responsibilities and are dedicated to raising their children right.
This website brings together several aspects of effective parenting for your information and self-reflection.
Handling bullying
Bullying is defined as the abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger.
- Bullying can be verbal, physical or based in cyberspace.
- Bullying is unfortunately very present in many schools and communities and can have very serious effects on children of all ages who are victims. A child who is being bullied can feel alone, ashamed, and helpless.
- Regularly talking with your child about school and community activities, and keeping track of their overall school performance will help you know when something may be going wrong.
- Take note of any change in behaviour, such as torn clothes, loss of appetite, fear of going to school, being withdrawn, acting out.
- Talk to your child’s school as soon as you are aware that something is wrong and give your support.
- Ask for the school’s anti-bullying policy.
- Teach your child about bullying, and discuss ways of safely standing up, and answering back, to bullies.
- Provide the time to talk and listen to your child. At this time, your child needs assurance that he/she is not to blame for being bullied.
- Support your child in building confidence and competence in what they do so that grades do not fall.
- Encourage your child to tell someone if they are being bullied e.g. A friend or teacher
- Work with other parents from the school and the PTA to support a no bullying campaign in the school.
- The parents of children who are bullies may need help as well, both to recognize their child’s behaviour and its possible causes, and to develop strategies to stop the child from bullying.
Tantrums
- Children between 1 and 4 years can be expected to have outbursts of frustration and anger.
- Tantrums happen at a time when the child has difficulty understanding when or why certain needs are not met, cannot yet explain his or her feelings well, and is testing the limits.
- The tantrums should last about 15 minutes, and the need to have tantrums passes as the child grows and is helped to understand and speak more fluently about ideas and feelings
- Unless the child is doing something dangerous or could accidentally hurt themselves, count to 10 before doing anything at all.
- Stay calm, get down to your child’s level and explain clearly what you want them to do.
- Try not to get drawn into argument as this will escalate the situation.
- If the child’s tantrum has reached a point where you feel it is not possible to reason with them, stay close to the child and reassure them that you are there.
- Giving in to the child’s demands will likely make them believe a tantrum gets them what they want, and it may encourage the behaviour.
- Try to understand and acknowledge your child’s feelings.
- Offer comfort and warmth once the tantrum is over.
- Keep in mind the cause of the tantrum.
Parents & Technology: 21st Century Parenting
Social media use has become increasingly prevalent in recent times. Parents and children need to become more acquainted with online and social media use and understand the benefits and dangers of social media.
The NPSC has designed a module to introduce parents to the effective uses of technology. It includes:
Aim
- Understanding the different kinds of devices (tablets, smartphone, laptops etc.)
- How to activate parental control feature on several technological devices including televisions
- Cyber Safety and Social Media
- Basic understanding of how to use applications such as Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint.
- As children access online learning it is important for parents to know how to use the Ministry of Education's Learning Management System (Google Suite). This will help parents to manage their children's interactions in the teaching /learning process.
Contact NPSC for how to obtain this module for your organisation’s use.
Nutrition & Healthy Lifestyles
Good nutrition is essential to our health and wellbeing. The foods we eat provide the body with energy and nutrients it needs to function. When we eat the right foods, our bodies will be well nourished, properly developed and have healthy appearance. The opposite is also true. When we do not eat the right foods, our bodies will show signs of under-nutrition or be overweight, and the effects will be obvious – poor growth and development and the onset of several diseases.
As a parent, knowing the healthy foods you can offer to your children on a daily basis is important. GO, GROW, and GLOW foods provide a quick way of remembering how to feed your family. Here are a few tips for making healthy meals and snacks for your children:
GO foods
These are carbohydrates, or energy-giving foods keep people active. Children need their GO foods, just like people who do physical labour, and pregnant and breastfeeding women. GO foods include rice, wheat, potato, yams.
GROW foods
These are proteins that promote growth and strength, and help repair damaged muscle. Children are growing, and need these foods to build strong bones, teeth, and muscle. GROW foods include chicken, meat, fish, eggs and milk, cheese, and yoghurt; these also provide vitamins and minerals which are the protectors from diseases.
GLOW foods
These provide vitamins and minerals. They are the body’s protectors and help fight off illnesses. All foods have some vitamins and minerals, but fruits and vegetables are major sources. GLOW foods tend to have rich colours and include: mango, papaya, oranges, bananas, callaloo, tomatoes, okra, pumpkin.
- Include a variety of foods from all the food groups at meals as much as possible. This will provide your child with the nutrients needed for good health.
- Give your child a variety of fruits and vegetables each day
- Reduce your child’s intake of salty and processed foods
- Decrease your child’s intake of sugary drinks and foods
- Ensure your child does not miss breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day and will provide your child with the energy in the morning to get going.
Studies have shown that good nutrition during childhood, and especially eating breakfast, leads to less behavioural problems and a better attitude, improved attention span, listening skills and concentration, and better performance.
Talking to Children About Sex
One of the major challenges parents, guardians and caregivers often face is the need to help children understand their sexuality and learn how to express it in ways are healthy and culturally appropriate. The task is made more difficult when these caregivers themselves have insufficient knowledge, may experience conflict about their own sexuality, or where there are strong cultural norms and pressures on the young to engage in early sexual activities (as in Jamaica).
Children have questions and concerns about secx and sexuality from an early age. Many adults are shy to talk about this because they were not taught by their parents, or their parents were themselves shy and gave very little information.
- They need basic information at first: right names for body parts, where babies grow, that love makes them.
- They need to know that some parts are private and are not to be touched by others, and they are not to touch other persons’ private parts.
- They need to know if anyone touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, they must tell a parent or other adult right away.
- Explain the difference between “good touch” (necessary for bathing and dressing), and “bad touch” (playing with or wanting to see or take pictures of private areas, putting their mouth on these areas, etc.).
- Teach and model respect for their own bodies and feelings, and those of others.
- As they get older, your conversations can provide more age-appropriate information.
If you are a parent, guardian, or caregiver of a young child, this section is to help you begin these conversations. Contrary to popular myth, arming your children with information will NOT make them become sexually active early; rather it will help them understand and prepare for this aspect of their lives AND help protect them from inappropriate sexual attention, risky behavior or abuse.
A very useful article on “How to talk to your kids about sex: an age-by-age guide” is found on the website of todaysparent.com; parents can start the conversations even before children have words, then between 2 and 5, 6 to 8, 9 to 12, and through the teen years. A sex educator from Toronto says: “You may feel awkward, but its’ important to focus on being honest. “There’s more risk with not telling them enough than telling them too much”. And it’s OK to admit you don’t have all the answers to their questions, but can find out.
- It is never too soon or too late to start …. But starting young helps them (and you) become comfortable talking about this topic over time.
- Talk their language; based on their age, speak in a way your child will understand and ask questions to check their understanding.
- These conversations should be informal at any time questions arise, e.g. from TV images or magazines, not in a one-time sit-down talk.
- If you do not have the answers immediately, take some time and access reliable sources, and then share in age-appropriate language.
- Remember that sexuality should be a healthy part of every person’s sense of identity.
Supporting Single Parents
There are many different types of families, including families where one or both parents do not live in the same home as their children. If this is your situation, it is important to make clear to your children that you still love and value them.
If possible, ensure that your child spends quality time with each parent; make time for the child to talk with each of you about his or her feelings in this situation.
- If one parent is abroad, letters and phone calls directly between that parent and the child can make all the difference between a child that feels abandoned and one that is reassured of the distant parent’s love and concern.
- If both parents are not living with the child, it is even more important that regular contact is maintained.
- If a child is growing with a grandparent or guardian, ensure that the child has contact by phone, e-mail or letters with the absent parent(s).
- If one parent is incarcerated for any crime that is NOT child abuse, both parent and child can benefit from maintaining contact during the period of incarceration.
- In the case of parents who have separated or divorced, the child must not be made to feel that he or she is in any way responsible. Both parents can maintain a positive relationship with the child even if they are no longer in a partnership. Any disagreements between parents in this situation DO NOT concern the child. Saying negative things about the other parent can only lead to the child’s confusion, sadness, and even self-blame. A father or mother can still be a good parent, even when not a good partner.
- Children will have questions and fears about why their parents are not together. Reassure your child it is ok to talk about it.
Parent self-care & stress management
- When you are experiencing stress do not ignore it. Learn to identify the cause of the stress in that moment, and take steps to control it.
- Try to think differently about the things that cause stress for you; what can you learn from this situation?
- Exercise! Regular exercise has been proven to be an excellent way to combat stress. Even a short programme of stretching, running, walking and deep breathing can help you be ready for the next task.
- Maintain a sense of humour. People who laugh at themselves tend to handle stress effectively.
- Try not to bring stress home
- Seek opportunities for fun
- Remember to relax and recharge
- Ask for help when you need it
- Connect with fellow parents
- Keep your life well balanced
- Ensure that you have a healthy diet
- Take a break from it all sometimes
